“I forgive you, but with some strings attached": Exchange orientation and conditional forgiveness in romantic relationships

Abstract

Conditional forgiveness occurs when an individual offers forgiveness with stipulations attached (e.g., “I forgive you, but …”) (Waldron & Kelley, 2005). The purpose of my Master’s thesis was to investigate whether relationship orientation predicts conditional forgiveness use within romantic relationships. Individuals who are higher in exchange strength adhere to exchange norms in their relationship, such that they prefer exchanges with their partner to occur on a reciprocal basis. In contrast, people who are higher in communal strength follow communal norms, such that they consider benefits to be given and received noncontingently in their relationship (Stafford & Kuiper, 2022). Congruent with my hypotheses, in Study One I found that people who were higher, as opposed to lower, in exchange strength were more likely to experience unforgiving emotions and thoughts toward their partner following an offence. These individuals tended to grant conditional forgiveness, whereas people who were higher, relative to lower, in communal strength were less likely to impose conditions on their forgiveness. Study Two investigated whether a specific form of exchange orientation, underbenefitting exchange orientation, was positively associated with conditional forgiveness use. Underbenefitting exchange orientation refers to the extent that a person is concerned with being the underbenefitted partner in their relationship (Sprecher, 1998). Study Two also investigated relationship outcomes associated with conditional forgiveness and explored whether a gratitude manipulation can decrease conditional forgiveness use relative to a control condition. I found that people who were higher, as opposed to lower, in underbenefitting exchange orientation were more likely to conditionally forgive their partner in response to a high-threat conflict scenario. The results suggest that their sensitivity to relationship imbalances is associated with less internal forgiveness, which related to conditional forgiveness use. There were no significant differences in forgiveness among participants between the gratitude and no-gratitude condition. However, participants assigned to the gratitude manipulation reported higher levels of perceived partner responsiveness, trust, relationship quality and communal strength relative to those in the control condition. Over time, gratitude may help improve how people engage with their partner following hurtful events, which in turn, may gradually lead to less conditional forgiveness use.